It’s been a little while since I’ve updated how life goes with Mother, and overall we continue to be grateful that her mindset is a pleasant one. Dementia is a downward spiral that sometimes travels quickly and sometimes goes at a snail’s pace, and over the past few weeks hers seems to have picked up momentum.
Words are hard.
Sister Shelia stops by in the morning on her way to work (as she has for years) and that routine is not one that Mother wants her to stop. Any day she doesn’t stop is filled with questions as to what’s happened to her and why she didn’t come today? Today Shelia did stop by, and we three set at the kitchen table where Mother and I ate breakfast, and Shelia, as the saying goes, “chewed the fat with us” as we chewed French toast. But as Shelia left for work Mother said, “She left the door open.” Which meant she didn’t scoot her chair back into the table. She had totally left mother’s table unkempt which would never work. So Shelia came back and pushed the chair/door back into place. Earlier Mother had ask Shelia “where her fingers were?” That one took us a second to figure out, but finally we realized that Mother had noticed that Shelia wasn’t wearing rings. Words are hard.
So is food. Some days she likes what I feed her and other days, I just don’t measure up in her eyes as the chef I think I am. Routine is everything, including not changing the menu. Not changing the television programs… those people have become family and familiarity is everything to her right now.
My husband David is a staple in her life as well, some days she refers to him as my boyfriend, or wants to know who he’s married to and does he have any kids. Other days he’s that man next door, just as I was the girl next door. I am sometimes now the girl who sleeps in “that” room and she’ll point to my bedroom, but knows me only as a part of the routine that she’s no longer willing to be without. If I spend too much time in another room, she’s sure I’ve left her. It’s heartbreaking to think of causing her fear, though I know it’s unavoidable at this point.
She was upset Sunday that I had moved a picture, or at least that’s what she told Shelia. But I have no idea what picture, because I didn’t move any, other than one of her many, many, many refrigerator pictures had fallen. So perhaps that was it.
I’m grateful to be here with Mother but it causes me to worry about people I don’t even know. Elders living in our community who don’t have someone to care for them, or explain that the door isn’t open, but that it’s a solar light outside, or explain that it’s the ice maker growling as it dumps the ice, not something scary in the dark. If I were not here, she would, without a doubt eat something she should not eat… I’ve caught her doing that a time or two. Someone with a girl that sleeps in that room, might poison themself. Babies and old people need caretakers. If you’re a neighbor of someone without family stopping by… take the time to stop. You may save their life, or at least keep them from eating something spoiled.
Mother’s health is so – so at this point. She’s growing weaker… prayer always appreciated.
Love to all! ~ Shari
