This Week’s Come to Jesus Moment

This has been a week of wrestling. Wrestling with grief, sorrow, frustration, worry… all the things of a bad day in life. We all have them eventually; none of us will escape this world without having the sorrows created by it. My issue (well one of many) is that I don’t want the world to know I’m having any of those issues. It’s not because I don’t want people to think I’m weak, that doesn’t concern me. But my struggle comes when someone knows I’m struggling, and they want to be good to me. Is that not insane? If feels like it is. But I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just want to get through this and get on the other side of feeling miserable without drawing any attention to myself. And so today, I made myself have a “come to Jesus moment” to see if He thinks I’m crazy.

“For if I make you sorry, who is he then that maketh me glad, but the same which is made sorry by me?” ~ 2 Corinthians 2:1

This has been my second life verse since I discovered it many years ago. I refuse to let people know that I’m struggling because then, if they’re struggling, I can’t help them. That sounds very noble and a tad pious. It’s truthfully just a cop out on dealing with reality most of the time. But it is how I feel.

So to bring you up to date on what is causing this “Come to Jesus Moment,” in my life: my Mother, has been in the hospital this week with a Urinary Track Infection. Which, if you didn’t know, can scare family members out of their wits! Mother suffers from the dementia. She is 89 years old and we have had the most blessed of lives with her. She is the sweetest woman on earth. And still has a mind that is well enough to hold a few minor conversations. But a UTI puts poison into the bloodstream and causes even someone with a good mind to lose the capacity to reason anything. She was physically weak, dehydrated and scared. This strong woman who has faced unthinkable sorrows in life with the strength of a lioness, was as weak as a house cat and as frightened as my little chihuahua Izadora. It broke my heart. But I’m living 2 Corinthians 2:1. I’m cracking jokes and entertaining the masses because that’s how I roll. When in reality, my heart is broken that Mother is suffering.

I don’t feel like this is something I should not have to endure. We all have to endure life, and the consequences of illness and aging. It’s the emotion fear that I really struggle with, Mother’s fear and mine.

Psalm 56:1-13 KJV – To the chief Musician upon Jonath-elem-rechokim, Michtam of David, when the Philistines took him in Gath.

1. Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me.
2. Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High.
3. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
4. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
5. Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil.

I found the words at the beginning of this Psalm very interesting. Mainly because they made no sense. Kind of like my life right now. But in studying it, the words “Jonath-elem-rechokim,” while not being translated by the translators of scripture, are believed to have been speaking of a “mute dove among them that were afar off.” Again… odd. But it may have been how King David felt on the run from Saul and living among the Philistines at the writing of this Psalm. Like a frightened, silent dove. He wasn’t at home, he was fearful and out of place. Kind of where I have been this week, except people weren’t trying to kill me.

A prayer for Mercy

I have a tendency to believe that I don’t deserve it. Or that I won’t receive it because I’m selfish if I ask for it. I told you I was crazy! This is not how God wants me to live. If I read and study scripture I know this! But then the voices in my head say, “Shari, you’re a weak, sinful soul if you ask for mercy because you don’t deserve it.” The part of not deserving mercy is true, none of us deserve it, but my Heavenly Father desires to give me what I don’t deserve because He loves me. And if life goes sour, it’s not because God’s judgement is upon me, it’s because in this fallen world Satan is the one ruling the earth.

A wise person once said:

Mercy is When God doesn’t give us what we deserve , Grace is God giving us what we don’t deserve, such as blessings. Justice is When we get what we deserve, which none of us want!

Ephesians 2:2-9 KJV
[1] Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: [3] Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. [4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, [5] Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) [6] And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: [7] That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. [8] For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: [9] Not of works, lest any man should boast.

David’s words were penned before grace came in the form of Jesus. But he knew Jesus, He just knew Him in the form of a “future Savior.” We know Him as our very present Savior who lives within the heart of any child of God. We’ll know Him face to face when this life is over. Either at the judgement seat of Christ, when children of God stand before Him accountable for what they did while on earth, or before the great White Throne judgement which is where those who have not accepted Christ as Savior will stand before they’re eternally separated from Him and everyone they ever loved.

My Mother knows Jesus. I witnessed it in her life, in her own times of sorrows. When she lost my brother. When she lost my Dad. They left this earth, but they’re waiting for us in Glory, which is the great hope she and I both have. It’ why when I have days that I feel like I’m one step from falling apart, God picks up my pieces and glues me back together with His tender mercy and grace.

I wrote this because I know I am not the only one who is suffering right now. My siblings are, my friends are. I know many, many people who are struggling with issues far, far worse than mine. We all need mercy and grace. Some more than others, but it still feels the same.

I appreciate your prayers. And I’d be more than happy to exchange the favor if you’ll just let me know you’re struggling.

Love you, mean it. Shari